I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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