so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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