he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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