Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
