I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
