i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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