what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
