Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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