dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
