if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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