Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
