Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
