Cold hands, warm shart.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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