we have officially lost it.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
