im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
