It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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