Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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