just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
