they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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