i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
