I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
