how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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