I think I won the penis lottery.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
