I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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