rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
