note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
