I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
