8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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