he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
