why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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