omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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