she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Best friends brother. Beat that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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