Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize