Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
