I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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