just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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