So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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