woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
