Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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