You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
