just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize