The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My feet surprised me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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