I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
