1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
