Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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