So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
