he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
