the condom got lost in my hair
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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