I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
