By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize