id be glad to
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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