the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
