She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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