fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
