two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
