Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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