I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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