I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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