yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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