I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
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just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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