i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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