I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
