Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
