My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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