all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
