So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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