Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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