Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
