i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
