drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This toilet bowl is my home.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
