im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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