yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
