If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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