the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
