Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
