Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
