I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
