hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
