Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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