Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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